so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
