My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
