My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
