I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
