fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
