Sacagawea was the original milf.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
