Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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