I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
