Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
