I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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