did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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