I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
