i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
