your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
