I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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