He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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