That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
