All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
