well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
