I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
