dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
