Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
