If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sober January is a disaster.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
