She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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