All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
