He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
