If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
