so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
