suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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