Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
