You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
