i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
