I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
