i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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