Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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