Tell her she can't have a vagina
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You took a bar mat shot.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
