He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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