Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize