Is it because I queefed?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
