i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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