your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I understand Curling. That high.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
