does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
