Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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