They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
