I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
