Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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