Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
