You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
