life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
