i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
