i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
