So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
